How to Love Series :: 6 of 17
What Would Love Do Right Now in Your Romantic Relationships?
A loving romantic relationship can be one of your most sacred experiences—as well as the most risky. Given the rewards, it is always worth the risk. I love the statement from Erica Jong’s book, How to Save Your Own Life—“Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.”
My philosophy about intimate relationships is that when you make a commitment to love, everything unlike love arises to be released and healed. Your reaction to what arises originates from unresolved issues, idealized concepts of romance, and conclusions you came to through observing your parents’ relationship. Every romantic relationship you have will reflect and reinforce these issues, concepts, and conclusions until you release and heal them. The healing available through the Inquiry to Resolution process is an opportunity for you to experience the very love you desire.
Your Parents’ Relationship
Examining the relationship your parents had can provide insight into your experience of love and romance. How did they treat one another? Were they loving? Did they argue a lot? What was happening at significant ages while you were growing up? How did their relationship influence you?
As a child, you witnessed your parents’ interactions and made decisions about romantic relationships based on those observations. We tend to have romantic relationships that are either just like our parents’ or the exact opposite. For example, if your parents argued a lot, you may have decided that love is confrontational, so your relationships are tumultuous, violent, or chaotic. Perhaps one parent was weak and the other was domineering, so you decided the key to a winning relationship is to be equal in every way. Maybe your parents were overly affectionate, and you decided that a romantic partner must be lovey-dovey or they don’t love you.
Remember in this process you are not pointing a finger at your parents or blaming them for the way your relationships turned out. You are identifying how YOU responded to what happened between them and the conclusions YOU came to about romantic relationships. The good news is, since you drew the conclusions—YOU can change them.
Your Romantic Relationships
Remember, you ARE love. Being LOVE is allowing yourself to be who you are and who you are not; and accepting your partner for who they are and who they are not. It isn’t always easy. However, it is essential if you want to experience an intimate relationship beyond what you think is possible. Being love is the greatest gift you can bring to your relationship.
Being present and getting gotten are particularly powerful in creating affinity and intimacy in romantic relationships. It’s what has been so extraordinary in my relationship with my Beloved Bernie.
In the beginning of our relationship, Bernie understandably wanted to know about my past relationships. I told him, “I’ll share my past experiences with you, if you will celebrate who I’ve become as a result of healing my past and changing my old behaviors.” He lovingly said, “Yes, I can do that.” This started a wonderful foundation of love and respect that continues to this day.
This is the first relationship I’ve ever been in where the love gets deeper and stronger and better over time, rather than worse. What’s different? I’m different! I’m less serious, more playful, more patient, kind, understanding, and loving. I also take responsibility for my part in a situation sooner than I had done before. It can be very humbling at times, but always rewarding.
I’m much wiser now in relationship and we have a much better chance of a lifetime of happiness and fulfillment together, because of all my healing and growth from doing this work. I’ve also let him know; he has the best me yet!
Developing a foundation of intimacy requires a willingness to tell your partner what’s really going on with you; to care about what’s going on with them; to share deep aspects of yourself—especially those things you don’t want anyone else to know or ever find out—and to listen to them share things that you’re not sure you want to hear.
Relationships are the only thing really happening. Everything is relational. You’re in relationship with everything and everyone. Your intimate romantic relationship can be either a source of fun and pleasure or pain and suffering. To have extraordinary intimate relationships, it is essential that you heal wounds you’re holding onto from past relationships.
Love and Be Loved
Restoring love in all areas of my life make a real difference. You can read the guide to living an extraordinary life in my Amazon #1 Bestselling book—What Would Love Do Right Now?
Consider there are only two predominant things going on in your life. You either have something you don’t want (shame, blame, guilt, anger, envy, frustration, resentment, or regret). Or, you want something you don’t have.
Support is Available
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